Marital Problems
by Matt'sUke
Summary: Austria is having a problem with Hungary and decides to IM Russia for help. IM format. Rated for themes.


Austria has been having some trouble with Hungary and decides to IM Russia, an expert with, let's say, 'Marital Problems.' It's just some short crack-ness.

Enjoy.

I own nothing.

DiscipleOfChopin has signed on.

DiscipleOfChopin: Servus Ivan.

CommunismIsSexy: Privet Roderich, what a nice surprise.

CommunismIsSexy: To what do I owe this honor?

DiscipleOfChopin: Um… How do I put this… I have, a problem.

CommunismIsSexy: I'd be more than happy to help you with any problem. I believe I've helped you in that way before.

DiscipleOfChopin: No, No. Not that kind of problem.

CommunismIsSexy: I'm not sure I understand then.

DiscipleOfChopin: Let's call it a marital problem.

CommunismIsSexy: I am not married.

DiscipleOfChopin: But I believe you may still understand.

CommunismIsSexy: I do not wish to talk about marriage.

DiscipleOfChopin: Ivan, just hear me out.

CommunismIsSexy: Neyt.

DiscipleOfChopin: … Ja.

DiscipleOfChopin: …

DiscipleOfChopin: So Ivan, how's Natalia?

CommunismIsSexy: Eh...? She's o-okay, I guess.

DiscipleOfChopin: Really now,

DiscipleOfChopin: What has she been up to lately?

CommunismIsSexy: W-why are you asking me these things!

DiscipleOfChopin: because they put me in a rare position of power ^.^

CommunismIsSexy: Neh, go play your piano, da.

DiscipleOfChopin : I can't, Hungary is near it .

CommunismIsSexy: Da, is she as scary as my sister?

DiscipleOfChopin: Not quite, she doesn't stab. That is actually why I've come to you for advice.

CommunismIsSexy: Da….

CommunismIsSexy: Do you wake up in the middle of the night to scratching on your padlocked door?

DiscipleOfChopin: That, yes. Actually she knows where the keys are now.

CommunismIsSexy: Or worse, do you wake up in the middle of the night, bound and chained to your bed, the padlocked door lying off the hinges nearby?

DiscipleOfChopin: I've woken up in handcuffs, that was after she found the keys T.T

CommunismIsSexy: Da.

CommunismIsSexy: She knows where the keys are. They are on my person.

DiscipleOfChopin: Oh, that's a good idea.

CommunismIsSexy: Neyt!

CommunismIsSexy: The day she was searching was a hard one for us all

DiscipleOfChopin: Oh.

CommunismIsSexy: Latvia and Estonia still suffer from the shock.

DiscipleOfChopin: What about Lithuania?

CommunismIsSexy: Lithuania...

CommunismIsSexy: …was with me at the time...

DiscipleOfChopin: So that's where that scar came from...

CommunismIsSexy: Things happen.

DiscipleOfChopin: I-... that's nice

DiscipleOfChopin: Why are you so mean to the Baltics anyway?

CommunismIsSexy: Mean?

CommunismIsSexy: I'm not mean...

CommunismIsSexy: I love them…

DiscipleOfChopin: ...

DiscipleOfChopin: With your faucet pipe?

CommunismIsSexy: Both of them...

DiscipleOfChopin: Wait… both?

CommunismIsSexy: Da... Austria-san.

DiscipleOfChopin: Isn't one enough?

CommunismIsSexy: You didn't think the faucet pipe sticking into your back that time, was the one in my hand, did you? The Baltics call all the ways I play with them as "using his faucet pipe."

DiscipleOfChopin: But...But... it was just as long as your faucet pipe.

CommunismIsSexy: Da, it is.

DiscipleOfChopin: ...

DiscipleOfChopin: No wonder Belarus loves you so much.

CommunismIsSexy: Are you, lesser than me, Austria-san?

DiscipleOfChopin: ...

DiscipleOfChopin: I'm not sure if that's something I should...uh...

DiscipleOfChopin: That's not...

DiscipleOfChopin: ...

DiscipleOfChopin: Ja.

DiscipleOfChopin: But I think everyone is.

CommunismIsSexy: Da.

CommunismIsSexy: Don't feel bad.

CommunismIsSexy: And with Veta, remember,

CommunismIsSexy: Her love for you is her weakness.

CommunismIsSexy: You can use it against her, da?

DiscipleOfChopin: Not really. I don't have any power over her, she just does what she wants.

CommunismIsSexy: Da. Pravda.

DiscipleOfChopin: At least she doesn't regularly carry around sharp things.

CommunismIsSexy: Roderich, must you bring that up?

DiscipleOfChopin: Oh, sorry.

CommunismIsSexy: I've had to grow a thicker skin.

DiscipleOfChopin: I'm honestly not surprised.

CommunismIsSexy: Da…

CommunismIsSexy: Speak of the devil, I'm afraid I must vacate to my closet now.

DiscipleOfChopin: Good luck.

CommunismIsSexy: I shall need it.

CommunismIsSexy: This was a nice talk.

CommunismIsSexy: We should do it again sometime.

DiscipleOfChopin: Ja. We should.

DiscipleOfChopin: Wait, which it are you talking about?

CommunismIsSexy: Dasvidanya!


End file.
